NOT HIM AGAIN...

i can't believe i subjected poor gabriel to the perilous lap of dear old santi-claus again. ...and as the little bugger began to pout, the biggest bottom-lip curl you've ever seen, a tear welling up in his little eye... i was overcome with regret. you would've thought we sent him to hades or at least Joann's possessed by the forelorn chef. dear ol' santi-claus weathered the storm and waved a fond farewell complete with complimentary candy cane. no freaky "hooooo hoooo hooo" and "you'll poke your eye" and yet gabel acted as if he'd sat with lucifer himself, disguised in white trim. well a few tears later and we were back on the train... back in daddy's arms where fun could be had... amid the christmas lights of the irvine park... amid the clamor of his cousins. and in the end fun was had by all... thanks to the fact that santa is heading aaaaaaaaall the way back to the north pole.

CANDID CHRISTMAS

thanksgiving has come and gone... christmas is on the way. the gift list for 18 nieces and nephews looms on the horizon... but how fortunate we are to have a big family... we press on... fascinating ourselves with the annual gifting brainstorm. the gabel's toys are getting sparse... what, oh what will santa bring him this year? i was thinkin' we'd make him a sea-saw. what could be better, right? ...was always a major favorite of mine. plus it seems simple enough... one long plank and something it balances on. yeah... my projects always seem sooo easy... in theory. well the hunt for just the right baby-gabey present continues. ...hmmm, and yet the more opposing question... what to get mr. claus???

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN... Part II

...the wine-stainer treks into the room carrying a giant tupperware bowl containing one, small, bite-size piece of beef and a measly pile of mashed potatoes. i'll tell you what you do: you instinctively furrow your brow and trek right back from whence the toddler came. there you will find a spotted dog in the process of consuming (and by consuming i mean sucking down whole) an entire 8 inch NY strip steak. you pounce on the dog, yell "drop it" about 58 times to no avail, and proceed to pry open his jaws and pull the darn steak from his gagging throat... (refer to christmas rule #4 of: how to retrieve tinsel from a cat's gullet). once you've got it... you then hold up what's left of the soggy steak, stare at it for a good 10 seconds and wonder "now what the heck do i do with it". (with inflection on the 'now'.) finally you set it on the kitchen counter (out of babe and ravenous-mongrel reach) where the deprived pup can smell it and suffer... some advanced form of disciplinary measures you tell yourself.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN...

...the little bugger attempts the ol' pump-fake with your obnoxiously full glass of wine? i'll tell you what you do: you watch in horror as about 2.5 measuring cups of darn good red wine dance through the air in pain inducing slow motion. myocardial infarction... that would describe the pain in your chest... you are experiencing a mild heart attack. you do nothing but shriek a single expletive while watching the air dance conclude upon the very pride and joy of your very adult living room... pottery barn's loop jute, boucle-woven by hand, all-natural Rug. there's no reversing the clock. there it is purply red... expansive... and stomach turning. try as you might you can not get it out... not with oxy which you have to rush out to buy at that very instant, and certainly not by blotting with a white cloth as directed on the rug's tab. did you know water stains this poor-doesn't-stand-a-chance adornment... how miserable is that? ...and so you strongly consider taking it to the driveway and oxy-bleaching the entire thing... but until then it sits rolled up in the living room as befuddled as you yourself... awaiting the day when it has a formal room to itself.

TREBUCHET ANYONE?

the faulkner pumpkin patch is the #1 pumpkin patch in the world and i plan to tell you just why. for starters, the trebuchet is the cherry on top if you can imagine that. getting there prior to closing is key we discovered this year. ...and as we entered at a nominal fee of just $3 a ticket, a non-smile that was somehow more comforting & casual than a smile-smile from an elderly fellow taking tickets, and a faulkner farm sticker we were certain that all of our pumpkin patch dreams were about to come true! we started with the hay-maze (pictured here) ...a labyrinth of bails where tiny tots went absolutely berserk squealing with glee whether or not they chose poorly or wisely. the free hay rides beckoned us so we took front row seats of the giant tractor (a first for the memorized gabel). the tour of the grounds detailing george & roda's 1886 victorian house and big red barn was just...plain swell... and i actually mean that. from there we perused the animal pens and petting zoo complete with frisky turkeys and baby chick-chick-chickens. the big barn we walked through was converted into a pretty sweet gift shop (in both senses of the word). while strolling through the plant shop we stumbled upon a lovable "meow-meow" (oddly enough this is not just toddler-talk but how i've always referred to cats... strange as it is) and a very pleasant older lady who was volunteering and insisted gabel become the proud new owner of his very first plant! she handed the kid a pot of soil with a single succulent leaf on top and he clung to it all day... collecting rocks in it... tipping its contents in the pumpkin-wheel-barrow, and loving it to pieces. let's see... from there we took a closer look at the trebuchet which if you've inspected one is always impressive... and watched as people paid 5 bucks to chuck a pumpkin at a tower of cinder blocks and miss every time. finally we made our way into the splendor that is thee world's greatest pumpkin patch ever. there we deliberated for hours and hours and hours over dozens and dozens of different pumpkin varieties... it is after all the largest and most extensive patch on the west coast! well, i don't know that for sure... but i do know it's very cool. in the end mr. gabel adopted a Baby Boo, i purchased a Lady's Purse and the chef snagged a Fairytale Pumpkin. (duke's is a little mixed gourd of some sort.) we capped off the experience with a pony ride for the tot on a tired looking steed named skunk...

...and all in all it was magical!

FALLOWEEN

hello old friend... though your weather doesn't exactly thrill me... you've been missed... and now we prepare ourselves once more to partake in your colored leaves, your scarves and your candy gorging holidays. we're pictured here at the mcgrath's pumkin patch, thanks impart to miss "tia-juana". we still plan on hittin' our traditional patch at the faulkner farm... so... more to come...

YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

just 5 minutes with this fellow and your brain will warp into a useless but pleasant, warm and fuzzy goo. we tuned in at grandma's house (since we don't have tv... prefering our brains goo-less most of the time) and the gabel immediately fell under his psychedelic spell. this is nothing short of a miracle because as most of you know this tot does not slow down for just anyone. i'll admit, i succumbed as well... and for that matter so did duke. our goo-brains were helpless... our goo-brains were happy. who could resist his upbeat spirit, that daring jumpsuit and his passion for funky fresh music and of course "dancey dance time"?

our votes are in... "it's awesome!"

LIVING WITH A FARRET

life with a ferret is very unlike life without a ferret. for instance when searching for your toothbrush in the morning it wouldn't hurt to check the dog bowl in the backyard. when hunting for your other shoe try browsing the bathtub... yes the bathtub... under the inflatable winnie the pooh tub... might be the lucky winner of a nail polish hidden inside. ready to make a cake? need a mixing bowl? don't hesitate to head to the inflatable pool out back... you'll find one bobbing around with a rubber ducky inside. want a colander? check the planter... it's guaranteed to be doubling as a mud pie tin. want to read a book? check the laundry basket. in search of that really important piece of paper? head directly to the back of the computer desk... you'll find it safely lodged between the wall and the wood with a pair of kitchen tongs and 2 dog toys. in need of 4 nail files and 1 toddler's toothbrush? have you checked the spare package of toilet paper? that's right... you'll find a puncture through the plastic with a clear shot into a roll... & there you will find all four items. sunglasses: vegetable draw... remote: dog-toy basket... and camera: trashcan. jewelry bag and one boggle cube still gone missing. socks are always crammed beneath the screen door, that's a no-brainer. and when it's time to leave the house... don't forget your earpiece... it's in your brown dress shoes. oh... and your keys are in the printer and your phone is in the rice cooker.

this is no exaggeration i assure you.

so before considering a ferret be sure you can afford to spend a total of 3 hours a day searching for 90 percent of your possessions and only finding success 30 percent of the time.

• p.s. ferrets eat dog food so if at the end of your day you're looking for none other than your ferret check the outside closet... amid the kibble, the raw hides and handfuls of your undies.

SUMMER CONTINUES...

gimme a pool and a couple of plastic cups and i'm set for the day. you can keep your "swimmers" pull-ups and your midday nap. this bare bottom fancies being free and never tires. i'm gonna need some grapes and a popsicle at noon... you can hold the sandwich. slap some sunblock on me and set me loose. don't be surprised if i'm not in until dinner is served. try not to get in the way of my water pouring operation. it's a highly advanced system consisting of water and the two plastic cups i mentioned. toss me a couple of mixing bowls to up the ante on this advanced water pouring machine. ...dog bowls will suffice. if it's a strainer you're offering you have a very sick sense of humor.

*where to find gabriel guard this summer*

• either grandparent's pool
• his own inflatable pool
• or the shoreline

TEST YOUR WITS

Q: what is the best time of the year?

A: summer.

case closed.

WE SALUTE YOU

summer is in full swing... the 4th has come and gone but our celebration of independence continues. we enjoyed an airshow at the oxnard airport... world war II vets relayed their war stories and old war planes growled through the air. one teary eye later i was silently commemorating our current brave troops over seas.

Iraq War Facts, Results & Statistics at Sept 1, 2009 (according to: Axis of Logic)

*Troops in Iraq - Total 130,000 U.S. troops, and 500 troops from the UK. Troops from all other nations have been withdrawn.

*U.S. Troop Casualties - 4,325 US troops

*US Troops Wounded - 31,430, 20% of which are serious brain or spinal injuries (total excludes psychological injuries)

*Private Contractors in Iraq, Working in Support of US Army Troops - More than 180,000 in August 2007

*Journalists killed - 139, 93 by murder and 46 by acts of war

Citizens of iraq should not be forgotten but commemorated as well:

*Iraqi Police and Soldiers Killed - 9,126

*Iraqi Civilians Killed, Estimated -50,000 to over 100,000, but may be much higher. Some informed estimates place Iraqi civilian casualities at over 600,000.

*Non-U.S. Troop Casualties - Total 316

more facts and stats can be found at: http://axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/Article_56722.shtml

(this information does not include casualties of war in surrounding countries.)

we have to pray daily for our troops, their families and those caught in the crossfire. may God bring peace to the middle east, directing the path of all world leaders, and may His will be done. let's not waste a second of our privileged freedom...

let's live meaningful lives... & let's make a difference!

the water boy

and so one sun shining day upon arriving home from big bear the chef set out to blow up the gabel's very first pool. ...and he blew and blew and blew... until he was blue... and the babe had ridiculous amounts of fun in his first pool. he attempted to empty it with tiny cups and then naturally sought to fill it with the hose... and so on and so forth... and so went the day... with a rita in hand and the sun overhead. clearly all is right... in the summertime.

the big bear... the 4th.

...as the moose chalk board in the kitchen read, " relax, laugh..." (and something that was changed to "hunt")... and relax and laugh we did. with billiards, foosball, wii games, hot tubing, movie watching, boggle battles, poker until the wee hours, and scrabble tourneys we went right to work doing which ever we pleased and polishing that off with a bunch of nothing but wine drinking & white russian sipping. you wanna talk grub... what a spread!!! you'd think we were on a forest cruise... though big bear's food blows any cruise ships food right out'a the water! melt in your mouth barbecued chicken with rick's hit from last year artichokes, chef's heavenly slow cooked brisket and baked beans, and of course hamburgers and dogs on the 4th. we had homemade sandie-cookies coming out our ears... and vanilla floats with chocolate syrup made by the soda fountain expert himself! our stomachs were on a vacation of their own. there were hills to be conquered and hikes to be had. kayaking was in order for some... books to be read by others. ...naps to be snoozed, and dogs to be pottied. ...and who could forget our skit in honor of the 4th of july? not i. no not i. and to those who wish they could... just smile, thank God for back lighting, and chalk it up to the vino! cheers!

... and to bill and sandra, thanks for an amazing time!

summertime would be perfect

we're rounding the corner... babe slipped on his first pair of "swimmers"... there are 18 hot dogs in the freezing awaiting their 4th of july debut... and billboards for the county fair are stirring up excitement. we're ready summer... "hit me with your best shot, fire awaaaaaay"!

it's my party...

well world... we have and announcement to make: we have a one year old toddling amongst us! you heard me right. mr. gabriel guard's 1st grandiose birthday was a grandiose success! ...with football, competitive rounds of volleyball, pin the tail on the very adorable donkey from a shop called B on Main, bobbing for apples, pony rides galore, a tent, lounge chairs, grandma goldie's potato salad and heavenly baked beans, thee world's finest 1st cake made by thee world's finest cake decorator grandpa goldie, giant hot dogs, corn on the amazing cob, chicky sandwiches, margaritas flowing a'plenty, pacificos (specifically pacificos), and obnoxious amounts of fun. many gracious thank you's to all who made it possible and to those who attended.

it's a bird, it's a plane...

...it's duke?

a million thank yous to you Lord. i was seconds away from a serious heart attack today as duke jumped off a ten foot wall... and crumbled in a heap clear across the street. your angels were definitely on duty and i am more than grateful. images of the emergency clinic and a crippled dog flashed in my mind as he soared literally over my head. i am forever in awe of your mercy. we will not take his companionship for granted. a clear reminder has set me on task to look after him with more dedication than ever before... and rather than constantly pushing him aside to attend to the babe, and skipping days at the park on behalf of an exhausted-me, i vow to find walking trails and include and appreciate him daily.

(thanks for the wake up call, but next time can you just

leave me a note or something.)

tai chi in the park

when the feeling moves you... you're wearing your sweats anyhow... and you're imagining your "happy place" there's only one thing to do...

tai chi in the park.

Happy 5th anniversary !

he is risen!

...and so naturally on the day of our Lord's Resurrection we go about meticulously hunting for hard boiled eggs hidden about. ...and this year was no exception. babe took to hunting like a fish to water. he simply would not be out done by his cousins... not on this Resurrection day or any other! his total egg count: 10! and after his diligent efforts he hunkered down for a good old egg licking and egg chucking. later that day we made it to the pacific amphitheater for rock harbors easter service. it was a glorious sun shining day... a baptism invitation was offered and kiana went forward and was baptized. what an amazing moment in time! thank you Lord for all you are doing in all who were baptized. you are so awesome!

big, fat birthdays

didn't seem to capture the elusive chef in these shots.

what's up with that?

well i suppose i oughta announce the astonishing fact that i turned a spry 26 and the chef turned a youthful 31. uncanny, i know. we rallied at kam's marina del rey pad where hummus and red wine rocked our world. kam cooked up a fierce stew, (thanks kook) ,we chatted the night away and hustled to a disco-teca shortly before closing time. was it sava-couture-legit... not exactly... try chicken-head-city... (unfamiliar with the term "chicken-head"? please refer to "hoodrat") but be that as it may we had a splendid time! thank you impart to those who were present and kamela our host. the memories of march will not soon be forgotten.

huston we have lift off

[a compilation of crawler to walker clips]

You Don't Mess With The Gabel

this nutty picture came about one fine day at grandma goose's following a wacky series of events. the gabel was doin' his usual... toolin' around colliding with any and everything in his general vicinity and eventually he bonked his forehead. i can't recall just how he managed to do this since this is a daily occurrence and the bonks begin to blend together. goose decided rather certainly that she was going to put a quarter on his ever growing lump. she applied the quarter to his lump and wouldn't you know it the gabel would not under any circumstances hold still. so naturally she strapped that quarter to his head with a rather flamboyant bandanna and off he went once more. he stumbled (quite literally) upon a set of ping pong paddles and with more than enough gusto produced this handsome shot! what more can i say?

breaking news!

can you see the resemblance?

...sure they can both give a pretty decent 'stank-eye'... but the real similarity worth mentioning is that they both go by the name "Walker"! that's right folks! we have a walker on our hands!!!

GABRIEL CHADWICK GUARD is a committed biped! proof is on the way!

stay tuned for video footage.

"burnin' down the house"

the santa paula fire department had a rutine practice run the other day and they invited the public to hang out downtown and watch. there was a definite chill in the air... we huddled in a ray of sunlight and mowed on ensalada de camarones con aguacate y limon... mmm... that downtown taco shop will not soon be forgotten. after a million photos, a snooze on gabel's part, and lots of thorough sniffs by duke of chocolate-bar-selling-girls, the house was set ablaze and our front row seats became rather toasty. the firemen went to work and a million more photos were snapped. [the one posted is one of my favorites; a local woman passing through the frame and a car in motion.]

a job well done! here's to you... the brave firemen and women around the world!

bath time for baba

can it get any better than an inflatable tub with a life size winnie the pooh sitting upright at the opposite end? you might think so... but little gabel is smitten for the pooh... and bath time is now perfection thanks to grandma's purchase. the experience is further hightened by 99 cent bath toys... his favorite, some stackable cups... and to finish, drying off with a game of peek-a-boo in his towel. life only gets better... with bath time!

cuttin' loose

a night out on the town... we're missing you gabriel... i promise. so the night included bowling with my bro and his whacky posse, then cocktails and a good ol' rug cuttin' on huntington's main street. my legs felt like jelly... man, has it been that long. the chef seemed to have a pretty good time too; he schooled us all in bowling so the guy can't complain.

well here's to your 48th birthday rob!

thanks for the good times.

down to monkey business

[diggin' the Flock of Seagulls doo...]

look ma... no hands!

[except dad's down below.]

i'd like to

report a monkey on the monkey bars...

and then...

we wiped out at the bottom...