WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN...

...the little bugger attempts the ol' pump-fake with your obnoxiously full glass of wine? i'll tell you what you do: you watch in horror as about 2.5 measuring cups of darn good red wine dance through the air in pain inducing slow motion. myocardial infarction... that would describe the pain in your chest... you are experiencing a mild heart attack. you do nothing but shriek a single expletive while watching the air dance conclude upon the very pride and joy of your very adult living room... pottery barn's loop jute, boucle-woven by hand, all-natural Rug. there's no reversing the clock. there it is purply red... expansive... and stomach turning. try as you might you can not get it out... not with oxy which you have to rush out to buy at that very instant, and certainly not by blotting with a white cloth as directed on the rug's tab. did you know water stains this poor-doesn't-stand-a-chance adornment... how miserable is that? ...and so you strongly consider taking it to the driveway and oxy-bleaching the entire thing... but until then it sits rolled up in the living room as befuddled as you yourself... awaiting the day when it has a formal room to itself.