CHEESUS

so i'm relaying chunks of cheese into the tots anxious little paws... assuming he is enveloping them as fast as i can cut them. to my surprise he had toted his mexican cross out of his room and into the paint zone of the kitchen. with great persision he placed his cross on the step ladder and proceeded to lay out bits of cheese on top of it. i looked at the adorned cross and then at him with a blank look on my face and he simply said with a grin, "cheesus".

HOME SLEEP HOME

HALLILUYAH... SNAGGED THE PAD!

it was a miracle... a factual miracle... May 1st our anniversary and move in day! a sigh of relief could be heard up and down the california coast... and the clank of keys rang through the valleys! we salivated at the thought of ripping out carpet... painting walls... and basically begining thee most extreme transformation this world has ever seen. (...or at least the most extreme for the block... certainly for this street.) in any case we worked tirelessly... contracting family members... our thanks to all... and we are now in the final stages of completion. we look forward to your stay. our doors are opening to the public this summer. reserve a room today and make memories for tomorrow. [space is limited.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE RETREAT AT MASTHEAD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ONE ROUND

...with a coffee table, a desk, and tiled floor...

let's just say... they won.

A CHILD IS BORN

JOSHUA JONATHAN BOYENN'E IS HERE!

O-10

new years at 288 was family fun as usual... dick clark and his now oddly familiar slow & groggy voice puts you into the most perfect slumber after the ball drops. rock band rocked our night away with mommy givin' the drums a scandalously loud vocal try, mika monopolising the mic, and everyone else rotating on and failing on the guitar... unless of course they were under the age of 16. a home cooked meal, champagne and party poppers to follow... who could ask for anything more. a solid antm shoot (you were missed kook), the missing of one toasting glass and the retrieval of another one later and all was right in the world.

[for the record: babe did not make it to midnight on account of a punctual 9:00 bedtime.]

[...not to mention a punctual daddy.]

NOT HIM AGAIN...

i can't believe i subjected poor gabriel to the perilous lap of dear old santi-claus again. ...and as the little bugger began to pout, the biggest bottom-lip curl you've ever seen, a tear welling up in his little eye... i was overcome with regret. you would've thought we sent him to hades or at least Joann's possessed by the forelorn chef. dear ol' santi-claus weathered the storm and waved a fond farewell complete with complimentary candy cane. no freaky "hooooo hoooo hooo" and "you'll poke your eye" and yet gabel acted as if he'd sat with lucifer himself, disguised in white trim. well a few tears later and we were back on the train... back in daddy's arms where fun could be had... amid the christmas lights of the irvine park... amid the clamor of his cousins. and in the end fun was had by all... thanks to the fact that santa is heading aaaaaaaaall the way back to the north pole.

CANDID CHRISTMAS

thanksgiving has come and gone... christmas is on the way. the gift list for 18 nieces and nephews looms on the horizon... but how fortunate we are to have a big family... we press on... fascinating ourselves with the annual gifting brainstorm. the gabel's toys are getting sparse... what, oh what will santa bring him this year? i was thinkin' we'd make him a sea-saw. what could be better, right? ...was always a major favorite of mine. plus it seems simple enough... one long plank and something it balances on. yeah... my projects always seem sooo easy... in theory. well the hunt for just the right baby-gabey present continues. ...hmmm, and yet the more opposing question... what to get mr. claus???

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN... Part II

...the wine-stainer treks into the room carrying a giant tupperware bowl containing one, small, bite-size piece of beef and a measly pile of mashed potatoes. i'll tell you what you do: you instinctively furrow your brow and trek right back from whence the toddler came. there you will find a spotted dog in the process of consuming (and by consuming i mean sucking down whole) an entire 8 inch NY strip steak. you pounce on the dog, yell "drop it" about 58 times to no avail, and proceed to pry open his jaws and pull the darn steak from his gagging throat... (refer to christmas rule #4 of: how to retrieve tinsel from a cat's gullet). once you've got it... you then hold up what's left of the soggy steak, stare at it for a good 10 seconds and wonder "now what the heck do i do with it". (with inflection on the 'now'.) finally you set it on the kitchen counter (out of babe and ravenous-mongrel reach) where the deprived pup can smell it and suffer... some advanced form of disciplinary measures you tell yourself.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN...

...the little bugger attempts the ol' pump-fake with your obnoxiously full glass of wine? i'll tell you what you do: you watch in horror as about 2.5 measuring cups of darn good red wine dance through the air in pain inducing slow motion. myocardial infarction... that would describe the pain in your chest... you are experiencing a mild heart attack. you do nothing but shriek a single expletive while watching the air dance conclude upon the very pride and joy of your very adult living room... pottery barn's loop jute, boucle-woven by hand, all-natural Rug. there's no reversing the clock. there it is purply red... expansive... and stomach turning. try as you might you can not get it out... not with oxy which you have to rush out to buy at that very instant, and certainly not by blotting with a white cloth as directed on the rug's tab. did you know water stains this poor-doesn't-stand-a-chance adornment... how miserable is that? ...and so you strongly consider taking it to the driveway and oxy-bleaching the entire thing... but until then it sits rolled up in the living room as befuddled as you yourself... awaiting the day when it has a formal room to itself.

TREBUCHET ANYONE?

the faulkner pumpkin patch is the #1 pumpkin patch in the world and i plan to tell you just why. for starters, the trebuchet is the cherry on top if you can imagine that. getting there prior to closing is key we discovered this year. ...and as we entered at a nominal fee of just $3 a ticket, a non-smile that was somehow more comforting & casual than a smile-smile from an elderly fellow taking tickets, and a faulkner farm sticker we were certain that all of our pumpkin patch dreams were about to come true! we started with the hay-maze (pictured here) ...a labyrinth of bails where tiny tots went absolutely berserk squealing with glee whether or not they chose poorly or wisely. the free hay rides beckoned us so we took front row seats of the giant tractor (a first for the memorized gabel). the tour of the grounds detailing george & roda's 1886 victorian house and big red barn was just...plain swell... and i actually mean that. from there we perused the animal pens and petting zoo complete with frisky turkeys and baby chick-chick-chickens. the big barn we walked through was converted into a pretty sweet gift shop (in both senses of the word). while strolling through the plant shop we stumbled upon a lovable "meow-meow" (oddly enough this is not just toddler-talk but how i've always referred to cats... strange as it is) and a very pleasant older lady who was volunteering and insisted gabel become the proud new owner of his very first plant! she handed the kid a pot of soil with a single succulent leaf on top and he clung to it all day... collecting rocks in it... tipping its contents in the pumpkin-wheel-barrow, and loving it to pieces. let's see... from there we took a closer look at the trebuchet which if you've inspected one is always impressive... and watched as people paid 5 bucks to chuck a pumpkin at a tower of cinder blocks and miss every time. finally we made our way into the splendor that is thee world's greatest pumpkin patch ever. there we deliberated for hours and hours and hours over dozens and dozens of different pumpkin varieties... it is after all the largest and most extensive patch on the west coast! well, i don't know that for sure... but i do know it's very cool. in the end mr. gabel adopted a Baby Boo, i purchased a Lady's Purse and the chef snagged a Fairytale Pumpkin. (duke's is a little mixed gourd of some sort.) we capped off the experience with a pony ride for the tot on a tired looking steed named skunk...

...and all in all it was magical!

FALLOWEEN

hello old friend... though your weather doesn't exactly thrill me... you've been missed... and now we prepare ourselves once more to partake in your colored leaves, your scarves and your candy gorging holidays. we're pictured here at the mcgrath's pumkin patch, thanks impart to miss "tia-juana". we still plan on hittin' our traditional patch at the faulkner farm... so... more to come...

YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

just 5 minutes with this fellow and your brain will warp into a useless but pleasant, warm and fuzzy goo. we tuned in at grandma's house (since we don't have tv... prefering our brains goo-less most of the time) and the gabel immediately fell under his psychedelic spell. this is nothing short of a miracle because as most of you know this tot does not slow down for just anyone. i'll admit, i succumbed as well... and for that matter so did duke. our goo-brains were helpless... our goo-brains were happy. who could resist his upbeat spirit, that daring jumpsuit and his passion for funky fresh music and of course "dancey dance time"?

our votes are in... "it's awesome!"

LIVING WITH A FARRET

life with a ferret is very unlike life without a ferret. for instance when searching for your toothbrush in the morning it wouldn't hurt to check the dog bowl in the backyard. when hunting for your other shoe try browsing the bathtub... yes the bathtub... under the inflatable winnie the pooh tub... might be the lucky winner of a nail polish hidden inside. ready to make a cake? need a mixing bowl? don't hesitate to head to the inflatable pool out back... you'll find one bobbing around with a rubber ducky inside. want a colander? check the planter... it's guaranteed to be doubling as a mud pie tin. want to read a book? check the laundry basket. in search of that really important piece of paper? head directly to the back of the computer desk... you'll find it safely lodged between the wall and the wood with a pair of kitchen tongs and 2 dog toys. in need of 4 nail files and 1 toddler's toothbrush? have you checked the spare package of toilet paper? that's right... you'll find a puncture through the plastic with a clear shot into a roll... & there you will find all four items. sunglasses: vegetable draw... remote: dog-toy basket... and camera: trashcan. jewelry bag and one boggle cube still gone missing. socks are always crammed beneath the screen door, that's a no-brainer. and when it's time to leave the house... don't forget your earpiece... it's in your brown dress shoes. oh... and your keys are in the printer and your phone is in the rice cooker.

this is no exaggeration i assure you.

so before considering a ferret be sure you can afford to spend a total of 3 hours a day searching for 90 percent of your possessions and only finding success 30 percent of the time.

• p.s. ferrets eat dog food so if at the end of your day you're looking for none other than your ferret check the outside closet... amid the kibble, the raw hides and handfuls of your undies.

SUMMER CONTINUES...

gimme a pool and a couple of plastic cups and i'm set for the day. you can keep your "swimmers" pull-ups and your midday nap. this bare bottom fancies being free and never tires. i'm gonna need some grapes and a popsicle at noon... you can hold the sandwich. slap some sunblock on me and set me loose. don't be surprised if i'm not in until dinner is served. try not to get in the way of my water pouring operation. it's a highly advanced system consisting of water and the two plastic cups i mentioned. toss me a couple of mixing bowls to up the ante on this advanced water pouring machine. ...dog bowls will suffice. if it's a strainer you're offering you have a very sick sense of humor.

*where to find gabriel guard this summer*

• either grandparent's pool
• his own inflatable pool
• or the shoreline

TEST YOUR WITS

Q: what is the best time of the year?

A: summer.

case closed.