it was saturday... wide open, just me & the boys, do anything we please... saturday. sure the stars were aligned in such a way to obscure any and all sense of order but that wouldn't hinder our positive outlook. we set out... not having driven in 7 months, powered by peady, for... i thought home... perhaps pick up warmer clothes... the weather could change... plus the bank is near the house. wait. i think there's a bank downtown, that's next to the farmer's market... yes on second thought... go there. flip the peady. forget the clothes. utter discombobulation from minute one. probably should have headed straight to the safety of my foxhole home base but in stead i hit the bank. the open parking stall out front the atm tricked me into thinking stars were aligning in my favor.
dirty rotten trick. had trouble getting from car to market... with duke barking his spoiled rotten head off in the parked car at some reserved-for-patrons-of-popular-patioed-restaurant-only lot. i fumbled with excavating trash from car and delineating between kids, kid's stuff and more kid's stuff. 30 minutes passed in this way. the events that transpired within the market are a whole story in itself... [please see entry entitled: "open 'air' market"]. after the market fiasco i gathered my disheveled self and set out to acquire a proper fun-lunch! we headed... in a round about way, not forgetting to pull out with side door wide open, to good ol' In N Out burger...nothing but fun giveaways; stickers and paper employee hats in our future! took our fun-lunch to the park for a day of playground bliss and doggy dog park tail-waggin' excitement. and this is the part you must immediately clear from your memory after having read. also you must not retell this portion to another soul. ...you will surely pay with your own unaligned stars should you disobey. well... mutiny ensued. feeding gabel your average kids favorite meal, hamburgers, has always been a little like administering oral meds to your dog... not very pretty, but the joy imparted by those damn stickers and paper hats permeate the idea of the hamburger with elicit bliss. so of course i was force feeding the poor child the suddenly horrific stuff and he mentioned at some point something about being full. now the way i was raised the phrase "i'm full" is not a true statement... it's a challenge. you might as well have said "i bet you can't make me eat any more." and so i carefully administered away... and shortly thereafter, his meal had taken a round trip. my world was soggy... my poor car, my poor child... that poor parking stall. i had barely recovered from a massive clean-up effort rivaling Katrina with nothing more than a few In N Out napkins, (because wet-wipe are highly over-rated...) when little eli erupted. assessing eli it was evident he has pulled a massive Bobby Brown. without a single wet-wipe is it clear, i attempt the Gowanus Canal clean up... and find myself, my hair more importantly, my car, and my kids covered in not 1 but 2 bodily fluids. the stars unleashed a mighty s-storm that day and i swore one day, somehow, someway i would return the favor. this is "the terrible awful"... this is the tale of unfortunate woe.
